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What I love most about vacations is the travel time. 2009 opens with a visit to Corregidor and closes with a sojourn to Ilocos. In between, swimming lessons, piano recitals, LASIK surgery and Philippine tragedies. Still in between, a challenge to be more critical and an encouragement to be more hopeful. And always, there are the people who make things worth it, if not interesting.

I am excellent at fantasizing and I am also a lover of planning. It is both arrogant and self-defeating for me to say that if I can make it happen in my head, it will happen—because I can set practical goals but I tend to be lazy. It is a year of plans gone well. It is me testing my discipline. Which is to say I risk little. Mine is the most careful adventure.

Which is to say all I am doing seems to be a preparation for something. The swimming lessons for my triathlon dreams, the piano recitals for the promised performances to loved ones, the LASIK surgery for—being comfortable during the triathlon…

1. I am not capable of unconditional love.
2. A child is a hindrance to the pleasures I currently and wish to continually enjoy.
3. Sure life has its moments of brilliance, ecstasy and meaningfulness. Against extensive mediocrity, struggle and misunderstandings. Is the bargain worth it? Would I be truly giving the gift of life to a child? If I were an alien and was given the opportunity to live life on earth as a human, I would likely say pass.
4. I may be capable of an enduring love. But I don't trust I could behave with such love with more than three persons. I worry too much and feel pain too much. I might not love wisely and sanely.