razelibrary

1.
Horoscope for week of December 29, 2005 from Rob Brezsny:
In his book The Disappearance of the Universe, Gary Renard quotes the counsel of his teacher: "A jet airliner is always going off course, but through constant correction it arrives at its destination. So will you arrive at yours." Remember that advice throughout 2006... My analysis of the astrological omens suggests that you will be frequently straying from the path of your highest destiny, and yet that's exactly what needs to happen in order for you to reach your highest destiny. Forced to keep making regular adjustments, you will tone and strengthen your willpower, which is essential to you achieving the goals that really matter. But how to distinguish the highest destiny and therefore notice if one has strayed?

2.
Travel
Edna St Vincent Millay

The railroad track is miles away,
And the day is loud with voices speaking,
Yet there isn't a train goes by all day
But I hear its whistle shrieking.

All night there…

I just received my 13th month pay yesterday. I love money, because it is so concrete, so useful and manageable. I know exactly what to do with it.

I bought the gifts for people whom I feel like giving something to. (I like the bows, nightglitters and untying. I like opening, ripping, finding. And despite dedication and signature, a trace of anonymity. That piece of self ungiven—because unresolved—in the present, beyond touch and thought.)

Since late Obtober, when I come home from work, I pass by the line of trees dressed in light along Ayala Avenue. And every time, I keep hearing Yourcenar's words about stars whose brilliance dazzle but keep you cold. Like knowledge, like gold.

And so my wish for everyone is the same wish I've constantly been wishing for people I care about. That we may be blessed with light that both clarifies and warms.

I.
It is not that surprises are sudden. It is that the more important it is, the more belated it comes.


II.
Yesterday, I had one of the most overwhelming days of my life. It was too striking, you cannot expect me to be exact.

I started it a 6:30 in the morning. I promised my brother breakfast at Figaro and then I'd watch his recital. Being too early, I almost dismissed my promise. I still wanted to sleep. "Gumising ka na, ihahatid ko kayo... Gustong-gusto kang makasama ng kaptid mo, tapos" the aposiopesis voiced by my mother was enough to wake me up.

I'd been promising my brother breakfast at this place and that, but kept on cancelling, because I was too lazy to wake up. I knew he gets frustrated every time and I also knew that that frustration thaws at the end of the day. But the point was I promised, and I had him hope in excitement every time.

Yes, yes, I cherish breakfasts. I guess the reason why I value it so much is because I rarely have it.

¤

Russel Sherman: …

Harsh

Shuttle service from BF McDo to Landmark. The song "Born in the USA" playing.

The driver turns the stereo off. Silence tells me a bad song has been played. A horrible tune's entered me without my permission.


HarsherA Mandarin fell in love with a courtesan. She told him, "if you spend a hundred nights waiting for me, sitting on a stool, in the garden by my window, I will be yours." And the Mandarin placed a stool outside her window. Waited, sat for 99 days, whereupon he got up, picked up the stool, and left.In the ideal, when I'm faced with the chance of rape of my beloved, I'd turn away. (Respect a requisite of love.)

But as in the real, I could never have my beloved, I'd take the rape, if the chance, presented. (Fortune knocking and never returning.)

Having some and having none.