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Showing posts from 2009

The thing itself

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What I love most about vacations is the travel time. 2009 opens with a visit to Corregidor and closes with a sojourn to Ilocos. In between, swimming lessons, piano recitals, LASIK surgery and Philippine tragedies. Still in between, a challenge to be more critical and an encouragement to be more hopeful. And always, there are the people who make things worth it, if not interesting.

I am excellent at fantasizing and I am also a lover of planning. It is both arrogant and self-defeating for me to say that if I can make it happen in my head, it will happen—because I can set practical goals but I tend to be lazy. It is a year of plans gone well. It is me testing my discipline. Which is to say I risk little. Mine is the most careful adventure.

Which is to say all I am doing seems to be a preparation for something. The swimming lessons for my triathlon dreams, the piano recitals for the promised performances to loved ones, the LASIK surgery for—being comfortable during the triathlon…

On not having a child

1. I am not capable of unconditional love.
2. A child is a hindrance to the pleasures I currently and wish to continually enjoy.
3. Sure life has its moments of brilliance, ecstasy and meaningfulness. Against extensive mediocrity, struggle and misunderstandings. Is the bargain worth it? Would I be truly giving the gift of life to a child? If I were an alien and was given the opportunity to live life on earth as a human, I would likely say pass.
4. I may be capable of an enduring love. But I don't trust I could behave with such love with more than three persons. I worry too much and feel pain too much. I might not love wisely and sanely.